Today was the scariest day of my life. What I experienced today is a experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I have images in my head that I’m scared will never disappear. I watched the love of my life die. Thank God and for the paramedics he is still alive. They brought him back to life, when they arrived he was gone and I’m forever grateful that they didn’t give up on him and that they brought him back to life. watching someone you love so much and have spent so much of your life with go from alive to blue, stiff, and lifeless is one of the most horrific things I’ve ever seen. I’ve always been terrified to ever see someone die In front of me.. and it happened and it happened to the love of my life.. I’ve never felt so helpless and weak in my life. I’m so thankful for all the people who got him to breathe and respond before the ambulance arrived, because I couldn’t even look at him without falling to my knees and screaming.. I tried.. he always told me how to bring someone back.. he’s saved my life and many others and I couldn’t save him.. I did what he told me to do and it didn’t work.. it didn’t work.. I couldn’t do it and It makes me feel so guilty. I’m also very grateful for the girl who held me and coached me through all of it. She was so kind to come to me, a stranger, who was in such panic and she hugged me and helped me through all of it. She was there for me through it all. I thought he was gone.. I really did and I didn’t know what to do with myself.. I felt like there was so much I could have done that would have prevented it all.. but all that matters is that he is alive and he is okay. He’s alive, and I’ll thank God everyday for giving him a second chance, for not taking him away from me that day. I don’t pray often, and when I do it’s for him. I prayed so hard that day, I begged God for him to be okay. I’m forever grateful to those who contributed in saving my sweethearts life. That boy is everything to me, he’s my life. we have spent over 2 years of our lives together and we are supposed to get engaged this year and move in together. He’s my soul mate. if I lost him, I’d loose a peice of me, a peice of my heart. He’s my rock and id be so lost without him. if I lost him that day, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. id never forgive myself. The images won’t leave my head. I feel like they will haunt me forever. it all keeps coming back. He’s alive though and I’m never been so grateful in my life. I posted this because I needed to talk about it and get it off my chest. I can’t really bring myself to be able to talk about it to my friends and stuff. I hate that it takes my baby to come so so so close to death to get us to quit. I hate that something so tragic had to happen for us to realize that we need to stop. I wish it happened to me and not him.. He’s special though, and I he’s got a purpose on this earth. God choose not to take him, and there’s a reason for it. I got to go home and be in his arms, hear him talk, see him smile, and kiss his pink lips. I knew our moments together were precious, but you never know what can happen. cherish every moment you have with you loved ones.. you never know when it could be your last moment with them.

urbanoutfucks:

Gemini, Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Scorpio, And Pisces

punkassbookjockeys:

writing a paper: too perfectionist to do a shitty job too exhausted to do a good job